A couple of noteworthy revisions from last week's writing workshop - fifth graders working on "show, don't tell."
Before: He loved football
After: He loved the feeling of making tackles and running for touchdowns.
Before: He was shy.
After: He didn’t start conversations and tried to stay unnoticed.
Before: It was spring.
After: The snow was beginning to melt and the bears were waking up.
1 comment:
If you don't mind, I'll be borrowing these examples to share with my students this week. We are currently looking at revising.
I love these and the examples of "good starts".
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