Thursday, October 23, 2008


A couple of noteworthy revisions from last week's writing workshop - fifth graders working on "show, don't tell."

Before: He loved football

After: He loved the feeling of making tackles and running for touchdowns.

Before: He was shy.

After: He didn’t start conversations and tried to stay unnoticed.

Before: It was spring.

After: The snow was beginning to melt and the bears were waking up.

1 comment:

Karen said...

If you don't mind, I'll be borrowing these examples to share with my students this week. We are currently looking at revising.

I love these and the examples of "good starts".