Old Dog New Tricks

I've written ten novels and I've approached revision the same for all of them.

After feedback from my editor, I just dove in head first.

Sometimes working in chronological order.

Sometimes skipping around.

Usually fixing the easy stuff first.

Saving the harder stuff for last.

But for my latest work in progress, I'm taking a new approach and I think I like it!

First, I read through my "to do" list of revisions about a gazillion times, so that I had most of it firmly committed to memory.

Then, instead of diving in head first, I took a deep breath and very slowly, methodically read through the entire manuscript.

As I read along, I used Post-It notes to mark the parts I wanted to change or where I wanted to add something.

When I was done.....eureka!

I had a forehead-thwacking DUH moment!

This was a much better approach to revision.

Here's why:

First and foremost, I got a very clear BIG PICTURE of the story as a whole......not just in bits and pieces.
 
I was left with a pretty clear idea of just how much work I was facing.

I could work in chronological order of the story, which helps me keep the flow going in the right direction vs. a more choppy approach of working out of order. 

I could move those Post-It notes around a bit, changing where I wanted to add new material, if necessary.

I also printed out a calendar to use to mark the days of the story....for my timeline. 

Never did that before.

But I like it!

So there ya go!

Old dog....

new tricks.
 

Hello Revision, My Old Friend

....I've come to talk with you again.

[cue music of The Sound of Silence here in case you're confused.]

Hooray!!!

So much more fun to look at a page with words vs a blank page!

*Dives in head first*

Lessons from Dead Matter

I recently received the dead matter for On the Road to Mr.

Mineo's, so I figured I might as well continue my traditional "Lessons from Dead Matter" blog post.

[Note: "Dead matter" is the term used by the publisher for the stacks and stacks of the manuscript during various stages of production. It is, indeed, very dead.]

I wrote about my Lessons from Dead Matter for Greetings from Nowhere here.

And for The Small Adventure of Popeye and Elvis here.

And The Fantastic Secret of Owen Jester here.

It's a little depressing to see that after writing lots of books, I'm still making the same stupid mistakes. But, hey, that's what copyeditors are for, right? Or is it copy editors? I can never remember.

So, here are some of my lessons from dead matter:

1. Why can I never, ever remember that the following words are one word? (I think I need an editor for that sentence.)

• backyard
• flowerpot
• shirttail
• cornfield
• toolbox
• pigsty
• streetlight

And the following are hyphenated:

• flip-flop
• hickory-nut
• chicken-wire
• run-down

 And that lawn mower is two words.

And it's screened porch, not screen porch.


For this book, it was suggested that we hyphenate gol-dern so as not to confuse it with the word "golden." (I know, I didn't get it either.)

It was also decided that this is the correct version of:

ding-dong doodlebrain

(And I am once again reminded of how good I am at insulting people.)

2. After much debate, diddly-squat won out over doodly-squat and hyphenation was required.

3. Sometimes you sit in a chair and sometimes you sit on a chair. 

For example:
"She plopped down in one of the lawn chairs" was changed to "on one of the lawn chairs."

But "How he longed to go back up there and sit in the lawn chair and play cards all day" was left as is. 

*scratches head and ponders this*

4. I'm forever disagreeing with decisions about commas - not because of correct punctuation, but because of the sound of the writing.

For example, there was a lot of discussion about the following sentence because of the doors of the van being left open (but that's a whole other thing....):

Luther took his fishing rod out of the back of the van, and he and Edsel went inside the restaurant to eat pork lo mein.

I don't like that comma there because I didn't want a pause in that spot. I wanted the sound of the words running on. But either I lost or I gave in, I don't remember which.

The same goes for the following, only it's the opposite situation:

But now, a little glimmer of sadness was starting to buzz around him like a pesky fly.

Copy editor took the comma out. I liked the pause it created, but I agreed to take it out. (See how agreeable I am?)

5. We had a great discussion about the phrase gold-ern criminy cripes.  Evidently, both criminy and cripes are euphemisms for Christ. (Who knew?) Would I get run out of town for using those words in a children's book? Well, the words are still there and I'm still in town, so there you go.

6. Some Southern expressions prove just too confusing for the average bear, so I give up and take them out. One of them is the expression pure-T, which means 100% or completely. Here's the original sentence from the manuscript:

I know she's pure-T red-hot mad at him.

The copy editor wrote in the margin, "purty?"

[Note: I think my Southern writer pal, Augusta Scattergood, says pure-D, instead of pure-T. The Dictionary of American Regional English actually has both. But it shows pure-T as being more prevalent in the Carolinas, which is where I'm from.]

7. Dear Copy Editor: Please leave the word hisself alone.

8. A giant hickory-nut tree casts shadows that move in the warm breeze, like fingers wiggling over the dandelions in the lawn.

Was changed to dandelions on the lawn.

I still don't like it.

9. Stamp her foot was always changed to stomp her foot.

10. And last, but this one is very, very important, there are no periods after:

Ploink

Ploink

Ploink

So there you have it: Lessons from Dead Matter

Teaching Revision

I teach a lot of writing workshops with elementary school students.

One of the best ways to teach revision is by modeling. To teach the writing technique of "show, don't tell," I read the students before and after versions. A LOT of them.


After hearing the before and after versions, the students absorb the technique like sponges.

Over the years, I've collected some impressive examples of Show, Don't Tell revisions that were done after I had read the students oodles of before and after examples. 

I shared some of them a while back.


 Click here to have a look.

This week, I collected a few more from fifth graders. (Note: These students were writing biographies of someone they had interviewed.)

Before:  Her favorite subject was history.

After: She especially loved hearing stories about the past and how places were discovered.


Before: His favorite subject was English.

After: He was never late for English class.


Before: He and his best friend, Wes, got in trouble a lot.

After: He and his best friend, Wes, often spent time together in the principal's office.


Before: The kids in her neighborhood were close.

After: The kids in her neighborhood were like brothers and sisters.


Before: He loved football.

After: He loved the feeling of making tackles and running for touchdowns.


Before: He was shy.

After: He didn't start conversations and tried to stay unnoticed.


Before: Linda was shy and quiet but a good student.

After: Linda didn't talk much but her hand was always up for the answer.


Before: She loved algebra.

After: She counted the minutes until algebra class.


And my favorite:

Before: John's favorite teacher at boarding school was Mr. Logan. His least favorite teacher was Mr. Willis.

After: John groaned to himself when he had to go to biology class with grumpy, frowning Mr. Willis. But he had a bounce in his step when he was heading for the class of silly, fun, creative Mr. Logan.      

How come?

Why is it that I have to read a manuscript 89 times before I notice this:

Three little dogs yipped and yapped and raced in circles and threw themselves against the door, snapping at the air and scratching at the screen.

"Stop it, y'all!" Tiny's mother snapped from somewhere inside the house.

Two words: FRESH EYES

Before and After

I'm recycling a post from back in 2007 because a) I like it and b) I'm a cheater:


I think one of the best ways to help kids understand specific writing techniques, such as "Show, Don't Tell" - is to present them with examples of before and after revision.


Over the years, I've collected some great samples of revisions done by fifth graders that illustrate their grasp of the "Show, Don't Tell" technique.


Check these out (from workshops in which the kids - fifth graders - write biographies of a parent or grandparent):


Before: Bob wasn't happy when his father told him they were moving.


After: Bob's father came in and announced, "We're moving." Bob groaned when he heard the news.




Before: John loved to play baseball with the kids in the neighborhood.


After: As soon as John got home from school, he dashed back to his room to grab his baseball mitt, then hurried to meet his friends in the vacant lot next door.




Before: She was good at swimming.


After: Swimming medals covered her bedroom wall.




Before: Sam loved to go to the Cape every summer with his family.


After: Sam counted the days until his family would load the beach chairs and boogie boards into the car and head for the Cape.




Before: He hated doing chores, like vacuuming, washing dishes or raking.


After: He groaned when he had to vacuum. He whined when he had to wash dishes. He grumbled when he had to rake.




Before: His favorite subject was geography.


After: He loved it when the teacher whacked her pointer on the map, pointing out countries and rivers.


For any kid who didn't quite "get" Show, Don't Tell, hearing these usually lights the old proverbial light bulb for them.

Lessons from Dead Matter

My editor always asks if I want the "dead matter" for my books or should they just toss it.

"Dead matter" is a great term for that mile-high stack of manuscripts, revisions, galleys.

I have a closet full of "dead matter."

But I always say, yes, I would like to have it.

It's fun to go back to some of the earlier versions of my work and see the revisions. I especially like to note how even the smallest revision sometimes makes a big difference. Writers are perfectionists and need the perfect word, phrase, rhythm.

I've shared Lessons from Dead Matter in the past.

Here are some of the revisions from The Fantastic Secret of Owen Jester.

1. I'm particular about phrasing and the way words sound. I had written:

As soon as the words left his mouth, Owen's stomach clenched up into a ball of angry.

The copy editor suggested "a ball of anger."

Nope.

2. I read this manuscript 5,438 times. Every time, I couldn't decide if it should be "train tracks" or "railroad tracks." I know, I know..... I opted for "train tracks." Sheesh.

3. Repetitious words are easy to miss. Also, "echoes" - the same words repeated or words that sound the same (like "side", "inside" and "outside").

I had written:

Then he scrambled up the side of the slope to the edge of the tracks. Viola was way off in the distance, running along the tracks toward home.

Changed to "running toward home."

4. Naturally, the copy editor questioned:

"I thought you said she wouldn't never go down to the pond."

But, then, that's how Travis would talk, right?

5. "high five" is two words

"lawn mower" is two words

"Weedwhacker" is one word


6. I originally had: "I'm allergic to pine," she said. "And ragweed and goldenrod, and . . . "

Copy editor notes: "I thought goldenrod itself was innocent; ragweed and others were the culprits."

I changed to "pigweed."

(Copy editors are such know-it-alls.)

7. I remember going round and round about:

He reached in and scooped up Tooley.

vs

He reached in and scooped Tooley up.

(last one, of course)

8. Another repetition:

Owen picked up the biggest rock he could find and hurled it with all his might into the pond. It hit the water with a loud ploink, sending a spray of water into the air.

Changed to:

It hit with a loud ploink, sending a spray of water into the air.

9. On page 70, I wrote:

"You in or you out?"

On page 114, I wrote:

"Are you in or you out?"

Took out "are" in the second one.

10. Original version:
They were going to tell the reporter how Owen had found the submarine and how they had cleared the way to the pond and used the water pipes like the Egyptians had built the pyramids.

Revised to:

They were going to tell the reporter how Owen had found the submarine and how they had cleared the way to the pond. They were going to explain how they had used water pipes the way the Egyptians had used logs to move the stones when they built the pyramids.


So there you have it. Mostly little things. But to writers, they can be big things.

On the Road to Mr. Mineo's

Revisions almost done.

A big mess

This looks like a big mess.

But by Friday, it will be in the mail.

It will be in the mail.

And it will not be a big mess.

Thinking like a kid

I've been writing children's books for a long time now.

I've gotten pretty good at remembering to think like a kid.

But sometimes I forget.

Because I'm not a kid.

Recently, I was putting away my WIP for the day when I happened to scan a page.

I had written:

Stella watched as Levi and C.J. and Jiggs headed in one direction and Mutt in the other. She definitely smelled a rat. But she was tired and hungry and wanted to go home.

And it hit me....

A kid gets tired when she's in the department store with her mother.....

A kid doesn't get tired riding her bike.

So I changed it.

But she was hot and hungry and wanted to go home.

Lessons from Dead Matter

Remember my post entitled Lessons from Dead Matter?

I have just received the dead matter for The Small Adventure of Popeye and Elvis, so I thought I'd shared some more Lessons from Dead Matter:

1. I originally had the following:

They walked to the gas station down on the main highway where Popeye was never supposed to go without asking Velma first.

I hear it in my head as all run together like that.

But the copyeditor added a comma after "highway."

She explained that it is "nonrestrictive."

Okay, I get that. But it just doesn't sound the same, with that pause in there. (I added the comma anyway, but I still don't like it.)

2. I used a word that isn't in the dictionary! Yay, me:

"They don't call me the Royal Rulebreaker for nothing, right, Popeye?"

Copyeditor suggested hyphenated (Rule-Breaker), although not in the dictionary.

3. On one page I had several conversations with the copyeditor about "qm's". Huh? What the heck are qm's? I finally figured it out: quotation marks. Heh....

4. I had a floral easy chair and then four lines later, floral sheets. One of the "florals" had to go. (The easy chair went.)

5. Original version:

Gauzy yellow butterfly wings, tattered and dirty, dotted here and there with clusters of shiny gold sequins and attached to the girl by straps that slipped over her arms like a backpack.

At copyeditor's suggestion, this was changed to: "...by straps that slipped over her arms like those of a backpack."

Now, I understand that. But it still just doesn't sound right to me.

6. Copyeditors notice repetitions that authors often miss since we are so close to the writing. I'm always amazed at all of my repetitions:

"Y'all get on out of here," she said, throwing her arms out as if to sweep them all out of the house.

[I kept two of them and changed the second one to the word "wide."]

Her livid voice burst right through the metal walls of Dooley's trailer and slithered across the darkness of the backyard and right into the kitchen...

[deleted the second one, although I liked the sound of it]

Popeye looked down at his feet, the guilt stinging his face like fire ants. Silence. Popeye looked up. Velma was looking at him, her eyes narrowed into slits, her lips squeezed tight.

[What was I thinking?! Changed the first one to "stared" and the second one to "glanced."]

He took a piece of beef jerky out of his pocket and held it out for Boo, who gobbled it up and swallowed it whole.

[Changed "out of" to "from."]

...no longer hidden by the thick, overhanging branches of the trees. Tree stumps and boulders and dense, overgrown shrubs line the edges of the clearing.

When you read that out loud, you have "trees" at the end of the first sentence and "tree stumps" at the beginning of the second. Not good.

I simply reversed the order of "tree stumps and boulders."

7. Copyeditors have amazing memories. On page 3 of the manuscript (page three), I wrote that Velma couldn't find her reading glasses.

On page 112 (one hundred and twelve), I wrote: Her hand fluttered up and pushed at her glasses.

Copyeditor wrote in margin: Reading glasses as on p. 3?

Sheesh. [I changed to "pushed at her thin gray hair."

8. Now, get this - FOUR TIMES I referred to a character sitting "at the diner booth."

Copyeditor changed to "in the diner booth."

That is, of course, correct, but isn't it strange that "at the diner booth" was so embedded in me?

9. The following should be one word or hyphenated, instead of two words:

tinfoil
swearwords
toe-jam [you can tell I am a very classy writer]
cusswords
ding-dong [as in, "skinny-headed ding-dong"]
rainwater
country-western

But hot dog is two words.

10. I am forever getting that lie-lay thing wrong. One reason for that is because of the way I hear the writing. Since I hear even third-person writing with a Southern ear, the correct version just never sounds right. But I change it anyway. Example:

Then Popeye dashed home to lie on his bed and stare at the ceiling until Velma got home.

[I still don't like the way it sounds. I want him to lay on the bed.]

10. And last, thank goodness for smart copyeditors. The character of Velma recites the kings and queens of England in chronological order to keep her from cracking up.

James V, Mary I, James VI, Charles I...

Those are kings and queens of Scotland. Heh....

So there you go.....lessons from dead matter.

Repeat after me

I often joke about how irritating good copyeditors are.

Of course, I jest.

Good copyeditors are the saviors of the book world. It takes an editor to see the forest, but the copyeditors see the trees.

I am grateful for them.

Below is a sampling of the latest irritating, um, I mean, brilliant comments from my copyeditor, the savior (from The Fantastic Secret of Owen Jester).

Notice how many of the queries address the problem of repetitious words.

My bad, as they say....

And notice the comment about page 124. I was so fascinated by this one because I use that expression "A lightbulb went off" all the time. OFF? *forehead thwack* What the heck is wrong with me? Of course, the lightbulb went ON. Duh...

p.5, 2nd paragraph: “The very idea of that poor sick old man up there in the bed not able to do a thing but sleep and eat applesauce and you down here thinking up ways to make my life miserable.” Rep of “up” OK?

p.11: ‘ “Besides,” Viola said. “Frogs only eat bugs…” ‘ OK to change to: ‘ “Besides,” Viola said, “frogs only eat bugs…” ‘ (to show she’s continuing her sentence)?

p.22, 3rd para: ‘ “I know y’all are up there.” That irritating voice slithered up the ladder…’ Rep of “up” OK?

p.22, middle of page: “What’re ya’ll building?” This should be “y’all,” as throughout, so we’re fixing.

p.22, 2nd line from bottom: “…he looked at Owen in a what-now? kind of way.” C says this should be: “…he looked at Owen in a What now? kind of way.” (italicized, cap on “What,” no hyphen)

p.24, middle of page: “First of all, he said it all the time.” Rep of “all” OK?

p.26, middle of page: ‘More than anything, he wanted to say, “Where?” ’ There shouldn’t be a comma after “say” here, so we’re deleting it (‘More than anything, he wanted to say “Where?” ’). Same goes for the sentence below it, which will now read: ‘But he knew that Viola wanted him to say “Where?” ’

p.28: “And they found an old metal thing with a rusty bolt sticking out of it.” And next line: “But none of those things seemed like something…” Rep of “thing’/”things” OK?

p.29, line 6: ‘ “I mean, maybe it was farther up that way.” Travis nodded up the tracks.’ And just below: “Owen looked up the tracks.” Reps of “up” OK?

p.30, middle of page: “…the boys made a pact to go farther up the tracks the next day, if they could ditch that nosy Viola.” C says: “But they don’t go farther up the tracks the next day. Instead, they plan and start building a cage for Tooley. Breaking a pact is a serious thing for boys? Change here to something like “…the boys made a pact to go farther up the tracks as soon as they could.” Or change something later?”

p.32, middle of page: “Clatter. Clatter. Clatter.” Change here to “Clatter, clatter, clatter.” (with commas, lower case), to match usage on p.10? Or change p.10 to match here?

p.33, line 1: “It would be big enough for swimming and jumping.” And a little farther down: “…with room for Tooley to swim in big, big circles…” Rep of “big” OK?

p.35, middle of page: “Earlene’s face turned red as fire as she jammed the duct tape back into the junk drawer.” And next line: “…Earlene stood stiffly beside him, her fists jammed into her waist…” Rep of “jammed” OK?

p.35, 7 lines from bottom: “hoard” should be spelled “horde,” so we’re fixing it.

p.37, just before line break: “Let’s hide this stuff in the bushes and go over to Stumpy’s and make a plan.” And next line: “While Joleen Berkus glared over at them…” Rep of “over” OK?

p.44, middle of page: “Viola stood up and brushed dirt off her shorts.” And 3 lines from bottom: “Viola brushed past the boys and skipped toward the hedge.” Rep of “brushed” OK?

p.45, middle of page: “And then, the sky turned dark, lightning flashed, and the rain poured down…” C asks if we would like to delete the comma after “then” (“And then the sky turned dark…”). Since they’re asking your/our opinion, I’m assuming either way is grammatically fine. Up to you.

p.50, 2nd line from bottom: “You think you know everything but you don’t.” C says: “There would be a pause after ‘everything,’ so OK to add comma?” (“You think you know everything, but you don’t.” Change or stet?

p.52, 3rd para: “…and raced up the path…” And two lines down: “…blinking up at the summer sky.” Rep of “up” OK?

p.52, middle of page: “The back door opened…” Next line: “Her eyes darted from him to Tooley to Travis to Stumpy and back to him.” And next line: “You’re not going back yonder to those train tracks, are you?” Reps of “back” OK?

p.75, 4 lines from bottom: ‘He let out a satisfied “Aaah.” ‘ C says this should be spelled “Ahhh,” so we’re changing it.

p.79, middle of page: “But his voice didn’t sound nearly as sure of himself as he wanted it to.” C says this line doesn’t entirely make sense, in that “his voice” is not “himself.” She suggests changing the line to something like: “But his voice didn’t sound nearly as convincing as he wanted it to.” What do you think?

p.81, middle of page: Currently it all looks like this:

And then . . .
. . . another frog joined in at the same time . . . and then another . . .
Until there seemed to be a whole chorus of bullfrogs.

C would like to break it up a little differently, to read:

And then . . .
. . . another frog joined in at the same time . . .
and then another . . .
. . . until there seemed to be a whole chorus of bullfrogs.

(Although now that I’m looking at it, it seems to me that if we’re going to do that, we should really add ellipses before the “and then another,” too, so that all the middle lines begin and end with ellipses… Anyway, what do you think? Any strong opinions??)

p.82, 2nd para: “A sprinkler chug, chug, chugged in circles…” C says we should italicize the “chug”s here (“A sprinkler chug, chug, chugged in circles…”)

p.85, 6 lines from bottom: “Owen and Travis high-fived Stumpy and they hurried out of the hayloft…” OK to change to: “Owen and Travis high-fived Stumpy, and they all hurried out of the hayloft…” (adding a comma after “Stumpy” and “all” after “they”)? Otherwise, it sounds as if only Owen and Travis hurry out of the hayloft, leaving Stumpy behind.

p.87, 1st line: “Travis let a string of cusswords fly and Stumpy broke off a branch…” C says there should be a comma after “fly” (“Travis let a string of cusswords fly, and Stumpy broke off a branch…”), so we’re adding one.

p.91, line 5: ‘ “I’m allergic to pine,” she said. “And ragweed and pigweed and . . .” ‘ With the ellipses here it means that Viola is merely trailing off in her thoughts, rather than being interrupted by Travis’s next line (“Then you better go home before you die.” (P.S. This is probably my favorite line in the whole book. :) ). If that’s the case, OK to stet. If she IS being interrupted here, we should replace the ellipses with an em-dash (“And ragweed and pigweed and—“). Stet or change?

p.93, line 3: “First, they had searched inside the submarine for some kind of instructions for how to run it.” Rep of “for” OK here? (Perhaps change the second one to “on” or “about”?)

p.95, line 4: “Owen looked down into the cage. Tooley floated in the dirty water, nestled up against the side of the cage…” Rep of “the cage” OK?

p.95, middle of page: “It had been so much fun, trying to figure out if the frog he spotted was his frog. The one with the heart-shaped red spot between his eyes.” Rep of “spotted”/”spot” OK?

p.102, middle of page: “Ah, heck.” C says this should be: “Aw, heck.” So we’re changing it.

p.103, 3 lines from bottom: ‘ “Besides,” he added. “I know Viola better than anybody.” ’ OK to change the period after “added” to a comma (‘ “Besides,” he added, “I know Viola...” ’)?

p.105, line 2: “I decided to come help y’all, after all.” And p.106, last line: “Maybe inviting Viola to help had been a good idea, after all.” Rep of “after all” OK?

p.115, after line break: “While Mrs. Suttles put a smiley face sticker on his Bible passage work sheet…” C says “smiley face” should have a hyphen here (“smiley-face sticker”), as should “Bible passage” (“Bible-passage work sheet”), so we’re fixing them. We’ll also be changing “smiley-face stickers” on this same page, last line, to match.

p.118, 1st line: “Good-bye, Tooley.” C says this should be: “Goodbye” (no hyphen), so we’re changing.

p.120, 3 lines from bottom: ‘…then said, “Uh, see ya,” before heading off up the path after Travis.’ And next line: “Owen picked up the biggest rock…” Rep of “up” OK?

p.124, middle of page: “A lightbulb went off.” Ce asks if this would make more sense as “A lightbulb went on.” (See also p.125: “A lightbulb went off again.”)

p.128, middle of page: “The sound of the submarine falling off of the train.” C says we should delete the “of” after “off” here (“The sound of the submarine falling off the train.”), so we are.

p.136, 2nd para: ‘ “Before launching your Water Wonder 4000,” she read, “there are a few simple tests to perform first.” ’ OK to delete “first” here, since it is redundant in conjunction with “before”? The line would read: “Before launching your Water Wonder 4000 . . . there are a few simple tests to perform.” OK?

p.146, 7 lines from bottom: ‘ “Besides,” Owen said. “That Frog Town idea was dumb.” ’ OK to change the period after “said” to a comma (‘ “Besides,” Owen said, “that Frog Town idea was dumb.” ’)?

p.151, 2nd para: “She flipped to the page with the heading: READY, SET, GO: Starting Your Water Wonder 4000” C says there shouldn’t be a colon after “heading,” so with it all on the separate lines it will now look like:

She flipped to the page with the heading

READY, SET, GO:
Starting Your Water Wonder 4000

p.153, 1st line: “Owen had to admit that when they first sank down below the surface of the pond…” OK to delete “down” (“Owen had to admit that when they first sank below the surface of the pond…”)? C says “sank down below” is redundant, and deleting it here will also avoid the rep of “down” in the next paragraph (“…his somersaulting stomach settled down…”) OK to delete?

p.159, middle of page: “Earlene marched down the hallway, her heavy shoes making a clomp, clomp noise on the wooden floor…” C says the “clomp”s should be italicized here (“…her heavy shoes making a clomp, clomp noise…”), so we’re changing.

p.164, just before line break: “…they were all going over to the railroad freight yard…” And just after the break: “…and hurried over to the bed.” Rep of “over” OK?

Time after time

Twice I have had the misfortune of having an annoyingly alert copyeditor discover that the timeline of a book wasn't right after it had been typeset.

[Note: Please know that I use the word "annoyingly" with nothing but awe, respect, appreciation and gratitude. Seriously, dude.]

After much hair pulling and Oreo eating, I managed to fix things, which is very tricky because at this stage of the book process, you want as few pages as possible have to be changed. (Note: I think I need a copyeditor for that sentence.)

Here is my most recent timeline annoyance (from The Fantastic Secret of Owen Jester, to be published Fall 2010):

P.1: The copyeditor has decided this is Saturday, based on the later chronology.

p.11: This is day two. C thinks it’s Sunday, although there is no mention of church (church on Sunday is mentioned in later chapters), but because they meet in the afternoon (p.17), that’s not really an issue.

p.21: This is day three. C says it’s Monday.

p.34: This is day four. C says it’s Tuesday.

p.41: C says: “Is this still the same day as at end of Ch.6 (Day 4, Tuesday)? Add something to clarify? It should be the same day if later chronology is to work.

p.68, middle of page: “Owen hated Wednesday nights. On Wednesday nights…” So this is Wednesday (day five)

p.73: This is day six, so Thursday.

p.80, after line break: “That night…” C says this is Thursday night.

p.82: This is day seven, so Friday.

**p.83, bottom of page: “The boys huddled together up in the hayloft of the barn all afternoon, planning how they would get the Water Wonder 4000 down to the pond.” C says this has to still be Friday morning (not afternoon), or the time sequence doesn’t work from here to p.109, which is definitely Sunday morning. OK to change the line to something like: “The boys huddled together up in the hayloft of the barn the rest of the morning…” ?

p.87: C thinks this should still be day seven (Friday). Midday?

p.94, before line break: “The boys bumped their fists together while agreeing to meet in the barn later that day.” C says “later that day” should be Friday, early evening.

p.97: C says “Is it now Saturday morning? Day 8? Add something to indicate the day here?” Note the line “By the time the noon-day sun was high overhead…” at the bottom of the page. (Barbara, just for the record, I don’t think you need to tell us explicitly what day it is all the time, as long as the timeline works out.)

**p.98, line 7: “We can work on it some more in the morning, when it’s cooler.” C says: “Change this line to: ‘We can work on it some more in the evening, when it’s cooler.’? It’s now Saturday, and Ch.19 (p.109) begins on Sunday, so they have to come back later this same day for the chronology to add up.”

**p.105, 1st line: “…He and Travis and Stumpy had gotten to the clearing early that morning, when the dew was still clinging to the wildflowers and ferns.” See query p.98. If Ch.19 begins on Sunday, this here can’t be another new morning, but later Saturday evening. Rework?

p.107, after line break: “That night, after dinner…” C says this is Saturday night.

p.109, 1st line: “Owen had begged and pleaded and begged and pleaded to stay home from church.” This is day nine, and obviously Sunday.

p.119: C says this is day ten, Monday. From here on out, the time line works perfectly (yay!).

Monkey mind

Another thing about copy editing [are you sick of this subject yet?] is that it forces you to use your monkey mind (your conscious mind), instead of your wild mind (your unconscious mind).

[Natalie Goldberg's Wild Mind: Living the Writer's Life]

That means that you have to really think about the words in a different way than you think about the story.

It's almost as if the writing is just that: words....

....separate....individual words.....disconnected from the words around them that form a whole (i.e., a meaningful story).

Does that make sense?

Anyway....it can sometimes make me nuts - because when I think about the words so much, I lose the unconscious flow that was the original creation - and then I start questioning myself too much.

I'm currently going through the copy edits of my next novel, The Short, Sad Life of Tooley Graham.

Today I'm thinking about railroad tracks vs train tracks.

I know, I know.....

When I wrote the manuscript, I didn't think about those words.

Sometimes I used railroad tracks.

And sometimes I used train tracks.

And one copy editor says I should be consistent.

And one copy editor says it doesn't matter.

And I have a Post-It note on every page with that phrase so I can think about it.

And the more I think about it....

Good grief....

I need my monkey mind to go away and my wild mind to come back.

Obsessing

Okay, so I wake up in the middle of the night and am thinking about Tooley Graham copy editing and specifically:

When he heard the click clack of her heavy black shoes on the wooden stairs, he clamped a hand over his mouth to stifle a giggle. When he heard the kitchen door swing open, he clamped his other hand over his mouth, his shoulders shaking with a silent laugh.

And then I think:

Wait! Heavy black shoes don't go click clack.

Heavy black shoes go clomp, clomp.

But you can't use clomp and clamp in the same sentence.

So.....maybe.....

When he heard the clomp clomp of her heavy black shoes on the wooden stairs, he slapped a hand over his mouth to stifle a giggle. When he heard the kitchen door swing open, he slapped his other hand over his mouth, his shoulders shaking with a silent laugh.

What do y'all think?

Superstition

Okay, so here's another weird thing about the process of copy editing for me...

I'm very superstitious when it comes to some aspects of creating a book.

Before I can begin the process of writing a book...

....I have to have the perfect title.

And the perfect first line.

And the perfect character names.

Those three elements are critical.

Sometimes, it takes me a long time to get those three things.

Sometimes (most times), I have at least one of them before I have any idea what the story is about.

And once I have all three things, I never, ever change them.

I have this (probably stupid) feeling that if I do, something bad will happen. Heh....

[Side note: I was recently visiting my editor at FSG and was looking at her shelf of works-in-progress. I commented on one of them and she said, "It has a different title now." I was so shocked by that!]

The first (and very critical) sentence of my next book (The Short, Sad Life of Tooley Graham) is:

Owen Jester tiptoed across the gleaming linoleum floor and slipped the frog into the soup.

The copy editor is suggesting the addition of "pot of" (as in "pot of soup") to give the reader the right visual.

I know that makes perfect sense.

I know that "pot of soup" instantly clarifies the image and conjures up the kitchen and the stove and the whole scenario.

I know that that sort of mental image is very, very important.

But it sounds different than that first version that is so etched in my mind.

However, I think I'm finally going to drop my silly superstitions and listen to my more practical mind and make the change.

(By the way, please don't call the ASPCA. The soup is not hot. The frog liked swimming in the soup.)

And then ANOTHER thing....

....about copy editing is that you are sometimes (oftentimes) amazed at the things you didn't see even though you've read that manuscript 498 times (which, of course, is why you didn't see them).

For instance....

[From The Short, Sad Life of Tooley Graham]

When he heard the click clack of her heavy black shoes on the wooden stairs, he clamped a hand over his mouth to stifle a giggle. When he heard the kitchen door swing open, he clamped another hand over his mouth, his shoulders shaking with a silent laugh.

The copy editor suggests "his other hand" instead of "another hand."

(She politely points out that he only has two hands.)

Duh!

Reason #543 why we need fresh eyes on our work.

The problem with copy editing

I have a love/hate relationship with the process of copy editing.

My organized, attention-to-detail self loves it.

But my other self (whatever that is) hates it.

The reason I sometimes hate it is because it makes me obsess about small stuff until I'm so mired down in the trees I can't see the forest.

I remember working on copy edits for Taking Care of Moses and getting all tangled up and agonizing over whether a character skipped up the sidewalk or down the sidewalk.

And wording that sounded so right and natural when it came flowing out of my brain makes me scratch my head and go "huh?" when I read it for the 50th time.

Here's a good example of stupid over-obsessing (can you over obsess or does obsess imply over obsess? Where's my copyeditor? Or is it copy editor?):

Because he knew Viola was right about the staples. And he knew she didn't mean staples like the little ones for paper. She meant those heavy-duty kind like his father used to staple plastic over the windows in the winter at their old house on Tupelo Road.

Now, the copy editor is suggesting: "She meant that heavy-duty kind like his father used...."

And I think that is technically right.

But it just doesn't sound right to me - because that is not the way I would say it - even though I would probably say it wrong.....

.....I don't know.....

And then today I'm obsessing over:

He reached in and scooped Tooley up.

or

He reached in and scooped up Tooley.

I think I need to stop.

I know, I know......

I always feel like my first version is the "purest" and I should go with it - and then I go and over analyze everything.

(And don't go telling me you can't end a sentence with a preposition cause I don't follow no stinkin' grammar rules....)

Shhhh...

....don't wake the baby.


My manuscript came back from copyediting. (The Short, Sad Life of Tooley Graham; spring 2010).

Ruby is napping and I finally have time to tackle it.

The flowers are from my garden.

The tablecloth is the Western States one that I bought on eBay even though I already had the exact same one - because I am such a ding dong brain.

The Post-It note on the Oprah Magazine (Oh, come on....I need a break once in a while) says: r-u-u-u-m-m-m.

That's the sound that a bullfrog makes.

In the first draft, I had ribbit.

But bullfrogs don't go ribbit.

But I didn't know how to describe the sound they make.

So I did a little research.

And the research taught me that they go r-u-u-u-m-m-m.

The reason I wrote it on a Post-It note is so I would remember how many "u's" and how many "m's" I put in there.

See what hard work writing is?

Forest vs Trees

I was delighted to hear from a number of teachers regarding my post about dead matter.

Some of them wanted to share this part of the writing process with their students, which I think is a great idea.

So I thought it might also be helpful to clarify, for those students or anyone else not familiar with the book-making process, the difference between the job of the editor and the job of the copyeditor.

That stack of papers in the photo of that blog post represents manuscript pages that came w-a-a-a-y into the process of creating that book - long after the initial story first came to life.

To fast forward through the first stages of creating a book:
1. I get a brilliant idea for a story.
2. I write the first draft of that story.
3. I read it 4,583 times, each time changing words, adding words, moving words, fixing words.
4. Another draft, another draft, another draft.
5. I finally get it "right" and send it to my publishing company.

The first person at the publishing company to get her mitts on the manuscript is the editor.

The editor is the person who helps me with the story.

She questions the characters' motivations for their actions.

She tells me the parts that don't make sense or are confusing.

She wonders if I really need a particular scene.

She helps me clarify my vision of the story and then helps that story become the one I envisioned.

(And she manages to do this without hurting my feelings, making me cry, or causing me to eat large quantities of Oreo cookies.)

A big job.

Here's an example that comes to mind while working on Greetings from Nowhere:

I knew I wanted to write a multiple viewpoint story. And I wanted to write some of the same scenes as seen through the eyes of different characters.

It worked for a while.

But about halfway through the manuscript, there was a scene that involved Willow and Loretta washing lawn chairs at the motel.

I wrote that scene twice - thru the eyes of two different characters.

My editor told me that when she got to that scene the second time, she felt frustrated. She felt like she had already "been there/done that" - that I was simply repeating the same thing.

She felt that this slowed the story down.

She wanted the story to keep moving forward instead of spinning in the same place.

I was disappointed.

I felt like I had failed in some way.

But......she was right.

That second version of the same scene was unnecessary. It did slow the story down.

It just didn't work.

I got rid of it....

....and the story moved forward and was stronger and better.

That's what editors do - they see the forest. (They care about the trees, of course, but the forest is the focus initially.)

After the story becomes as right as we can make it, it moves along through the process until it eventually gets to the copyeditor.

The copyeditor is the one who sees the trees - the little things, like I pointed out in the dead matter post.

The shoe had one hole on page 91 and two holes on page 189.

I used the word "little" three times in one paragraph.

Shouldn't I try to think of other ways to say "every now and then"?

They see the trees.

Some folks look at the forest.

Some folks look at the trees.

It takes a village to make a book.